Contents

Chapter X

Family Bonds

The family is the basic unit of Muslim society and God revealed to the Prophet rules and legislations which enhanced its solidarity and strengthened the bonds holding it together to this day. The first among these laws was the injunction “Honour thy parents”, which God made an obligation on all towards their parents, which they were required to fulfil as they do acts of worship to God. Thus we find God joining the command to be kind to parents with the command to worship Him on several occasions, as in this verse of Sura 17 (Al-Isra’: 23-24): “Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: ‘My Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood.’” Here God tells us that just He decreed He should be worshipped and made this an obligation on men, he also decreed kindness to parents in word and deed, and in all dealings with them. He also enjoined on people, if their parents were to reach old age, not to say a single malicious word to them, nor offend them in any way, but address them gently and kindly. People should also be extremely humble to their parents, in recognition of their care of them in infancy, and adulthood until they become strong enough to care for themselves. People were also commanded to pray for their parents and ask God to have mercy on them as a recompense for their care.

The Prophet -peace be upon him- repeatedly urges kindness to parents, and warns severely against unkindness to them. He was reported to have said to his Companions on one occasion: “Shall I tell you what is the gravest of mortal sins?” (repeating the question three times). They said: “Yes, Messenger of God.” He said: “Worshipping deities beside God and unkindness to parents.” He thus counted unkindness to parents among the deadly sins and associated it with worshipping other deities beside God, to emphasise how odious a crime it was, as well as to warn of the severe punishment it incurs on the Day of Judgement. He repeatedly counselled Muslims to honour their mothers, as when he said: “Paradise is under the feet of mothers.” God describes the hardship a mother goes through when bearing a child, saying in Sura 31 (Luqman: 14): “In travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning.” One man asked the Prophet- peace be upon him: “Who do you think deserves my good company and kindness best?” The Prophet said: “Your mother.” He said: “Then who?” The Prophet said: “Your mother.” He said: “Then who?” The Prophet said: “Your mother.” He said: “Then who?” The Prophet said: “Your father.” This was not meant to show preference for mothers over fathers, but to emphasise the duty of kindness to mothers. God also decreed that if a person dies while his parents were still alive, they should have a share in his inheritance so that they may be protected from need in their old age. God Almighty says in Sura 5 (An-Nisa’: 11): “To parents, a sixth share of the inheritance to each, if the deceased left children; if no children, and the parents are the (only) heirs, the mother has a third.”

The first right God has decreed for children was to outlaw female infanticide. Arabs used to bury their new-born daughters alive because of actual poverty, or for fear of impoverishment and the great expense girls may put them to. God condemned them for this, saying in Sura 6 (Al-An’am: 151): “Kill not your children on a plea of want,” and in Sura 17 (Al-Isra: 31): “Kill not your children for fear of want.” In both verses, God assures people that he would provide for them and their children, being the Provider, he had apportioned for girls, when he had created them, their share of sustenance. It is as if the perpetrators of infanticide seek to interfere with God’s Will by depriving their children from life. God prohibited this practice and warned those who do not desist of severe punishment in the hereafter. All Muslims adhered strictly to this injunction and abandoned this practice.

Shari’a defined many rights which children have over parents. They have to bring them up in the best possible manner, guide them to the best possible behaviour and direct them to virtue. Children have to be prepared, from their seventh year, to perform their religious duties and taught how to do so. A father is under obligation to support his sons while they are completing their education and until he is ready to earn a living on his own. Similarly, he must support his daughters until they complete their education and get married, when her support then becomes the duty of her husband. A daughter has a right to the same level of education as her brother, and also a right to a job from which to support herself. She can take whatever profession she chooses, and if what she earns was not enough for her needs, then her father or husband must undertake to support her.

God has decreed a share for children, both male and female, in the inheritance left by their parents. During the pre-Islamic era, girls (and women in general), as well as young boys, were not allowed to inherit, a custom which weakened family bonds. Only grown-up sons who could participate in the defence of the tribe were allowed to inherit. It was said that, when the verses detailing inheritance shares were revealed, some Arabs were dismayed at the way inheritance was distributed, saying: “how come a share is given to the wife, the daughter and the little boy, while none of these can fight for his people or acquire booty?” However, it is clear that God has protected family bonds by this distribution, and protected women and little boys from abandonment or from becoming a burden on others. The relevant verse in Sura 4 (An-Nisa’: 11) says: “Allah (thus) directs you as regards your children’s (inheritance) to the male a portion equal to that of two females.” The daughter was given half the son’s share because the latter was given many responsibilities, including protecting and defending the tribe, payment of bride money in marriage and the sole responsibility for supporting the family: his wife and children. The wife is not under obligation to contribute to this, no matter how wealthy she may be. A man is also required to support his parents, his sisters and his needy relatives, thus multiplying his financial responsibilities. The divine purpose of allocating half a share in inheritance to the female heiress is thus not discriminate against women in inheritance rights but to regulate these rights fairly.

God has also elevated marriage in Islam to the status of a holy bond. In pre-Islamic times, women were treated as mere possessions and had no rights vis-a-vis their husbands. But Islam restored the dignity of women and protected all their rights. In pre-Islamic Arabia, it was customary, when a husband dies, for his wife to be inherited against her will, just as the rest of deceased belongings were inherited. The heir to her husband would throw his garment over the widow and declare: “I have inherited her!” He would then dispose of her according to his wishes. If he wanted to, he could marry her without payment of bride money. He could marry her to someone else and collect her bride money or, if he so desired, he could ban her from marrying to inherit her wealth after her death. All these methods have been banned by God in this verse from Sura 4 (An-Nisa: 19): “O ye who believe! ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will, nor should ye treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the dower ye have given them.” In following verse in the same Sura, God Almighty says: “But if you decide to take one wife in place of another, even if ye have given the latter a whole treasure (qintaran) for dower, take not the least bit of it back; would ye take it by slander and manifest wrong? And how could ye take it when ye have gone unto each other, and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?” Thus God -exalted be His name- protects the wife’s bride money if her husband chose to separate from her and marry another, even if she had been given a hundredweight of gold (qintaran). He admonishes men for such greed, especially since they had had intimate relations with their wives, who have received from them a solemn covenant in front of God. And here is a point the officials who supervise the contracting of marriage must recall, and remind the parties that this contract has been undertaken in love and mercy in front of God.

The Prophet says in his Farewell Sermon: “Take good care of women, for you have taken them through God’s trust, and lived with them through God’s word” It is clear, therefore, that God regards marriage as a sacred bond -as I have mentioned- contracted in front of Him, with His Will and His Wisdom.

Islam permits a man to marry more than one wife: two, three or four. This permission had been given in view of the fact that, in nations where wars were frequent, as was the case for Arabs before Islam, and where a great number of men die in these wars, serious corruption could ensue unless such a freedom was given. There are other reasons for this provision, including the possibility of a wife becoming sick. It is also notable that nations where monogamy is the rule have a great number of illegitimate children. For all these reasons, Islam permitted polygamy, provided fairness between wives is guaranteed, as we have mentioned before.

Some people might claim that Islam does not guarantee equality between men and women in the right of divorce, since it had been given to men only. But this is incorrect: the wife also has a right to demand a divorce or separation just like the husband if the relation deteriorates. However, women rarely seek to exercise this right because of their keenness to preserve the family, thus leading some to believe that this right is for the man alone.

The Prophet -peace be upon him- says: “The thing that is most hateful to God among lawful things is divorce.” A strong indication of God’s will for divorce to be avoided as much as possible is His advice to husbands in Sura 4 (An-Nisa: 19): “Live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take dislike to them, it may be that ye dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good.” Kindness here refers to kind words and deeds. The Prophet -peace be upon him- says: “The best among you is the kindest to his wife, and I am the kindest among you to my family.” The Prophet was extremely kind to his wives, and he was reported on many occasions to have joked with them, while being always extremely courteous and generous with them. He often gathered them together in one of his homes and had dinner with them all, before allowing each to retire to her own apartment. He would chat with his wives every night before going to bed as a show of affection.

In the above verse, God advises Muslims to keep their wives and be kind to them, even if they come to dislike them, since this course of action may be the source of much good. Many benefits could accrue from this, including the possibility of the unloved wife producing children who would be a blessing to their parents. God -exalted be His name- portrays the intimate and close nature of the relation between man and wife in saying in Sura 2 (Al-Baqarah: 187): “They are your garments, and ye are their garments.” This describes a relation so intimate that the husband and wife are like one person, each protecting and “clothing” the other, keeping his secrets from others while making him or her privy to his most intimate secrets.

God describes the love and loyalty between couples, saying: “Among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect” (Al-Rum: 21). Here, God reminds people of what a blessing it is that He had created for them spouses from their own kind, meaning that he had made it their nature to turn to their husbands and find comfort in their company, since they are from their own. God therefore explains that he had done this so that men may “dwell in tranquillity” or find in their spouses a refuge and a haven of tranquillity, as well as contentment, good company and delight of the spirit. God also tells us that He has created love and fondness just as He has created mercy between spouses, making them compassionate and considerate towards each other. Any misfortune or hurt which touches one touches the other, and he or she would stand by their partners when in need and show them all love and kindness. These are indeed signs for those who reflect on the great blessings which provide couples with this haven of security, tranquillity, love and happiness.

While Islamic Shari’a makes it obligatory on the husband to support the family, with the wife having no obligations in this regard, everything he spends on his wife and family deserves reward in the hereafter. The Prophet -peace be upon him- says that the most worthy expenditure is that made on one’s family, thus urging Muslims to support parents, wife and children. To protect the wife and shield her from want, God has decreed that the wife must have a fourth of the husband’s estate in the case of death, and if the husband left no children. If the husband had left children, then she gets an eighth of his estate.

Many people allege that Islam did not ensure equality between men and women. This, again, is untrue. Islam has decreed equality between men and women in all aspects, except in the areas where physiological differences and the related demands of procreation and childbirth require otherwise. A woman bears a child for nine months and breast-feeds it for about a year and a half. Both of these experiences are specific to women. Man, by contrast, is characterised by being much stronger. It is thus an injustice to say that man and woman are identical in every way. And it is this distinction which had prompted the Quran and hadith to show a lot of kindness and compassion towards women and impose on men many obligations and rights regarding them. Islam has imposed equal religious obligations on men and women in all acts of worship, such as prayer, fasting, zakah, hajj, etc., and also guaranteed them equal recompense in the here-after. God says in Sura 40 (Ghafir: 40): “And he that works a righteous deed -whether man or woman- and is a believer- such will enter the Garden (of Bliss): therein will they have abundance without measure.” This indicates that males and females are equal in the eyes of God with regards to good works and belief in God, and will be equally rewarded for it. Men and women are also equal in social and political responsibility, as God explains in Sura 9 (Al-Tawbah: 71): “The Believers, men and women, are protectors, one of another : they enjoin what is just and forbid what is evil.” Believers, men and women, thus support each other and cooperate, as in the Prophetic saying: “A believer to another is like [parts in one] structure, each part of it strengthens the other.” They urge each other, men and women, to do good, and to adhere to whatever is closer to truth and justice and to perform what is in the best interest of the community. They also warn against evil, falsehood and what is harmful for the community and individuals.

We have already mentioned that a slave girl belonging to the mother of the Abbasid Caliph, Al-Muqtadir, became a judge in the early fourth hijri century. It is also well known that Shajart Al-Dur, wife of Al-Malik Al-Salih Najm Al-Din Ayyoub took charge of the Sultanate in Egypt after the death of her husband. Coinage was minted in her name and prayers were said for her in all mosques in the Sultanate. In the twentieth century, Mustafa Kemal Ataturk has given Turkish women the right to stand in elections, and many entered parliament. Women acquired this right in Egypt during the reign of Nasser (1952-1970). During the 1990s, governments in Pakistan, Turkey and Bangladesh were headed by women who enjoined virtue and spoke against vice. This is a clear refutation of the claims of those enemies who allege that Islam has held Muslim women back, since Islam has always accorded women enough freedoms to enable them to progress with the age. This has enabled women to become Prime Ministers, and enjoy the same rights women acquired elsewhere in the latest stage of progress.

God -hallowed be His name- says in Sura 4 (An-Nisa: 32): “To men is allotted what they earn, and to women what they earn.” God thus decrees that men and women are equal in all aspects of work and manners of earning a livelihood. A corollary of this is the guarantee of a woman’s economic independence vis-a-vis her father or husband. This right has been accorded to Muslim women for fourteen centuries now, while western women have yet to acquire it. According to Islamic Shari’a, a Muslim woman can buy and sell her property, trade or file suits, without asking her father or husband for permission. Because of all the rights she enjoys, a Muslim woman can only marry with her full consent, and does not lose her name after marriage as western women do, a symbol of her full freedom to dispose of her property and conduct all her economic affairs.

Women have also participated fruitfully, and from very early on, in learning and the arts. In the West, they talk a lot about salons or literary clubs organised in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries by French ladies with literary inclinations, where French intellectuals and men of letters met. The reader may be surprised to learn that Sukayna bint al-Husayn used to have a very respectable majlis (or salon) in the first/seventh century, which was frequented by the most prominent poets of her time. They would recite their poems to her, and she often criticised or commended their poetry, and often refereed their disputes and claims to excellence. In Spain, we encounter in the fifth/eleventh century, the club of Walladah, daughter of the last Umayyad caliph there. She was a poet in her own right, and her circle was attended by Ibn Zaydoon and other prominent poets in Cordova. Similar was the early eleventh century (AD) “salon” of Hawwa, wife of Sayr ibn Abi Bakr, the ruler of Seville for 27 years in the Murabitun state. Her circle used to meet in the ruler’s palace, and she used to lecture poets, writers and philosophers in it, or listen to their discussions and criticise poetry recited in her presence. The “salon” presided over by Hafsah al-Rukuniyya in Grenada in the twelfth century (AD) was also similar in its pursuits. These Muslim women have preceded French ladies by centuries to the organisation and conducting of “salons” and intellectual circles, another proof of the error of the claim that Muslim women have remained behind western women in making use of their freedoms to organise literary circles and contribute to cultural activities.

In truth, women have occupied a lofty position in Islamic societies, in particular wives, who were the ladies of the house, the managers of its affairs, the supreme authority within it and the venerated mothers of daughters and sons. All wives were educated as Islam has prescribed for them to be. Many have distinguished themselves in religious and linguistic sciences and in the sciences of the ancients (philosophy and other sciences). Many had the status of viziers for their husbands, like Arwa, the wife of the caliph al-Mansour, the real founder of the Abbasid dynasty. When her husband donated a large estate to her, she created out of it an endowment (waqf) for the widows or spinsters from among her descendants, to protect them from need and preserve their dignity. Al-Khayzaran, wife of al-Mansour’s son Al-Mahdi, was also an influential figure in the realm. It was on her advice that Al-Mahdi restored to the descendants of the Umayyads the properties confiscated from their fathers and ancestors. Zubaydah, the granddaughter of the above mentioned Arwa, and wife of Al-Mahdi’s son and heir, Haroun Al-Rashid, was famous for ordering the digging of a well in Makkah which came to be known as “The Zubaydah Spring.” Its water was used by pilgrims and residents of Makkah. It is enough to mention these three ladies, but there were many virtuous ladies like them in the history of Islam, who had enjoyed the veneration and respect of their husbands in the East and West. I have no doubt that it had been the elevated status of Muslim women, which the Spaniards had observed in Al-Andalus, that prompted them to imitate the Muslims and try to bestow on their women what approached this status in their lands. It has perhaps now become clear the extent to which Islam has preserved the dignity and rights of the Muslim woman, a protection which has covered all family members: parents, spouses, children and relatives. It has strengthened bonds between them through guaranteeing them shares in inheritance and the institution of obligations to show kindness and love. This divine bonding has made the Muslim family an ideal one, and it is worthy of all humanity to try to emulate this ideal institution and benefit from it as Muslims had.

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